


Born from Lies

by MCQueenWrites



Category: Last Jedi, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emperor Kylo Ren, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Implied Sexual Content, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Mutual Pining, Next Generation, Pregnancy, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Unplanned Pregnancy, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-05-06 04:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14633670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MCQueenWrites/pseuds/MCQueenWrites
Summary: "Positive," flashed the message on the medical droid before she smashed it with the force.Part of Rey broke with the news and she went straight into denial. Naiely thinking that if she ignored it then problem would go away on its own.-------------------------------Rey meets with Kylo Ren in secret during the war, only to receive a souvenir of their courtship after they painfully break up. She strives to keep her child’s parentage a secret from everyone as he grows.Years later her son, who has no idea of the truth, goes in search of his mother who is being held captive by the New Empire and Kylo Ren.





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> This is just for fun so I’m not sure how far I’ll go with this story. I have a writing blog at www.mcqueenwrites.com so please check it out if you get the chance.

 

 

She was only supposed to meet him once. 

 

The first meeting was on a jungle planet. In her ship under the rain. Rey sat on a sofa and Ben on a discarded storage crate. His dark uniform completely soaked through. Black hair plastered to his face from the never ending downpour outside.

 

There were so many things that she wanted to say to him. To yell at him. But all those thoughts and ideas suddenly disappeared once he was there. Looking at her with the same dark sorrowful eyes that she saw when they touched hands.

 

At first all they did was talk. Both avoiding any issue which would push the other away. But talking soon turned into touching, then touching turned into something else. Whether it was him or her who made the first move........she could no longer remember.

 

_If I don’t do it_ _now_ _, then I may never have another chance,_ was the lame excuse that she made to herself.

 

He was warm and soft, and it was easy to forget that he was the enemy. It wasn’t hard to trick herself into thinking that he wasn’t anything other than the conflicted Ben Solo. The man who knew her loneliness, and could connect with her in ways that no one else could.

 

Soon they were connecting in lots of different ways. In plenty of different locations. A remote moon. His ship. On the way back from missions. All the while doing their best to avoid getting caught by either side. 

 

They were in the middle of a war and either one of them could die the following day, so what point was there to holding back? Everytime was supposed to be the last, until the force would connect them again. Drawing them closer and closer towards each other in a dangerous downward spiral.

 

Rey was fine with things being like that.........when she didn’t stop to think of the consequences. 

 

But as time went on, it grew harder and harder to look her friends in the face, when she was making plans to meet with the enemy behind their backs. 

 

She hated herself. She hated the lies. 

 

She felt like a fraud. The last Jedi who vowed to take down the First Order, but would run off with their supreme leader as soon as he called. 

 

Rey couldn’t keep living like that. 

 

And neither could he.

 

It was an inevitable confrontation. They fought. With words this time instead of force, but it hurt more than a lightsaber to the face. 

 

He wouldn’t join her. She refused to go with him. He was nothing without the First Order. She was nothing to begin with. 

 

"Why won’t you leave these people!" Rey yelled in his face. "They’re murderous, insane, and are out to control the galaxy!"

 

“No! You’re the one who’s holding on!” he cried back. “The Resistance is nothing to you!”

 

“They’re my friends!”

 

“You barely know them!”

 

"They’re important to me."

 

"And I’m not?"

 

"They’re not leading a war!"

 

This time the fight ended with him storming out first. Perhaps because he couldn’t stand watching her leave him again. 

 

Rey remained behind and cried. Cursing her own stupidity and foolish thinking. He was cruel, evil, and utterly submerged in darkness. She was a fool for ever thinking that he could change. Her vision of the future was nothing more than a warped delusion. A sneaky trick of the force which lured them together, only to mercilessly torture Rey with her own emotions. 

 

Her sorrow soon changed to anger. And in a fit of rage, she shut Kylo Ren out to the deep reaches of her mind. The connection would never open unless both of them were willing, and she swore to never let him in again.

 

\-------------

 

Rey buried herself within the Resistance and tried to forget him. To burn the image of Ben Solo from her mind, and replace it with the cruel dictator Kylo Ren.

 

He appeared on the battlefield less after his rise to power, and she'd only known him for a few short months. Without the connection to throw him in her face, it gradually became easier and easier to pretend that she’d never known him at all. 

 

In her mind, there was the period before she knew him, and then the time after they broke up. Everything in between was a black hole that she refused to think about.

 

Then several weeks later, she discovered a small souvenir of their short courtship.

 

_Positive_ , flashed the message on the medical droid before she smashed it with the force.

 

The truth was too hard to comprehend, so Rey went straight into denial. Naively thinking that if she ignored it, then the problem would go away on its own.

 

Plenty of women miscarriaged on Jakku. Rey had starved for years like them, so she convinced herself that her body was incapable of giving birth. There was no point in thinking about having a baby when its chances of living were slim.

 

She forced herself to continue on like normal despite the growing life in her stomach. Rey trained, she went on missions, all the while telling herself that she’d be more likely to die in battle then become a mother.

 

But after five months........ it became more difficult to hide. Her friends could no longer ignore the changes in both herself and her body.

 

They of course threw Finn at her to suss out the truth. Thinking that their close friendship would be enough to make the emotionally damaged Jedi open up.

 

"Hey, Rey!" He jogged towards her from across an empty hanger, then casually leaned up against the x-wing she was repairing. Trying to look as though nothing was amiss, but the anxiety rolled off him in waves.

 

Rey didn't need to use the force to know that it was the moment she’d been dreading.

 

"Hey, Finn," Rey said as calmly as she could. Trying her hardest to be the girl who she was before. The Rey who existed before she met Kylo Ren.

 

"How are things?"

 

"Fine," she smiled. "Why do you ask?" 

 

"I dunno, you just seem… different recently."

 

"Different? How?"

 

“Well, it’s just......you've been kind of down these last few months."

 

"We’re in a war Finn." Rey adjusted the screws as tightly as she could. "People are dying. I have every reason to be _kind of down_."

 

"Well, Rose was mentioning........" he said awkwardly like he didn’t know the right way to say what was all on their minds. "I mean...I don’t know if this is okay for a guy to say… but you have gained a lot of weight… which is strange considering that you don't eat much.. and train all the time.. and there was that stage where you were throwing up a lot a few months back, and then there's the mood swings-"

 

It was then that the spanner dropped from her hand and clanged against the stone floor.

 

" _Hey_ ," Finn said gently. "Rey, what’s wrong?"

 

She told herself that she could handle it calmly when the time finally came, but instead the tears burst forth. Flowing freely from her eyes no matter how hard she tried to get her emotions under control.

 

Finn gently led her to some overturned boxes and helped her sit down. Kindly rubbing her back as she cried her heart out. 

 

Rey hated herself for wishing that it should have been a certain someone else instead. 

 

"Rey," said Finn gently. "It’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You’re safe here."

 

" _I’m pregnant_ _,_ _Finn_ ," she said through the sobs.

 

"Hey, it’s okay." He didn’t even look surprised. How long had they known? "We all kinda knew anyway. And there’s nothing wrong with that! We're all just worried about you. That’s all."

 

“I don’t know what to do, Finn."

 

"I know, and I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you. No matter what happens." He passed her a rag from his pocket which she used to wipe her face. "How did it happen?" He then realized how strange that sounded. "I mean.. you don’t have to tell me all the details....... but who's the father of this kid?"

 

Rey looked at him through tear filled eyes, and for a moment she thought of telling him the truth. _That she’d_ _done unthinkable things_ _with_ _their greatest enemy_. But as much as she loved Finn , she knew that the others would be less understanding. If the Resistance turned their back on her........ she didn’t know where else to go.

 

Rey didn’t want to lie to Finn, but the truth was killing her, and burdening him with such a secret was also unfair.

 

It had to be her responsibility alone.

 

And so Rey told him the story that she’d been working on for months. Trying her best to mix some truth with the lies in a poor attempt to ease her own guilt. Perhaps if she said it enough, then she’d even begin to believe it herself. 

 

She told him that it had happened on the way back from a mission. One of the contacts recommended going to a bar in town, and after living on Jakku, she just wanted to see what a real bar was like.

 

She was drinking, he was charming. They went back to her ship and in the morning he was gone. She been too intoxicated to remember much else, other than a tall dark stranger who promised to show her the galaxy. 

 

Rey once thought of making up extra details about her fictional man, but then decided against it. The less she said, the harder it’d be for them to catch her out on her lies. 

 

"Oh, Rey," said Finn once her story was done. "That flyboy really did a number on you, didn’t he?"

 

He did. That was the truth and Rey began to cry harder. She’d been drawn in by those wide eyes and soft voice. But they’d been nothing but a monster waiting below the surface all along. 

 

"Do you want to keep it?" asked Finn when her tears finally dried up. "You must, right? If it’s been this long."

 

"I don’t know." Rey threw her hands up into the air with frustration. "I have no idea how to raise a kid. What if… what if I’m a terrible mother… what if they grow up to be a bad person?" 

 

_What if they grow up to be like him?_ Was the question  that she couldn’t say out loud. 

 

"Oh, Rey. No one would ever end up that way with you there."

 

"You really think so?"

 

"Rey, you have me, Rose, Poe, and everyone in the Resistance. You’re not alone. We’ll help you."

 

_We’ll help you._ Those words were too similar to the offer that Kylo Ren threw back in her face. 

 

In the end she decided to keep her child. The Resistance didn’t have the facilities for an abortion, and Rey felt better about her situation once her friends pledged their support.

 

"If you’re looking for a name, _Poe’s_ a great one," laughed the newly appointed general Dameron as he passed her extra rations. 

 

"I made this for you," blushed Rose as she handed Rey a small jumpsuit. "I know it’s not much, but I thought that you might need some things, for when the baby comes." 

 

" _Thank you_ ," breathed Rey. She almost cried tears of gratitude.

 

The base was full of single parents who lost their partners in the war, so Rey’s situation wasn’t so strange. Occasionally there would be the odd person who’d look at her with disdain. But Rey reassured herself that it was better to be seen as a loose girl, than the ex-girlfriend of Kylo Ren. 

 

But there were still times late at night (when the baby was restless and she couldn’t sleep) when the loneliness would seep in.

 

And then she'd feel Ben Solo tugging at her mind from the other side of the galaxy. 

 

But her fear kept him locked away.

 

She refused to let her child become another tool that he could use to build his evil empire. 

 

 

\-------

 

Her son didn’t look like her, but he didn’t look like Kylo Ren either. Just another new born. All small and pink with dark eyes and the faintest wisps of black hair. 

 

Her fears of being found out, or birthing a monster, suddenly seemed insignificant, and disappeared with one look at his innocent face. 

 

“I love you," Rey whispered as she held him in her arms. Wondering if her own parents had ever done the same with her. 

 

"He has your eyes," said Rose as she watched with joy, and the slightest hint of envy. "Have you decided on a name?"

 

"Jacen." The name seemed familiar to her. Like she’d heard it in a dream. "No family name like me. Just Jacen."

 

\------

 

Jacen began to look more like them as he grew older.

 

Rey was relieved that he hadn’t received Kylo Ren's prominent nose or ears. Instead inheriting her own hazel eyes and soft face. So much so that others would soon point out the resemblance at first glance.

 

"Yep, that’s definitely Rey’s kid," Finn laughed as he watched a four year old Jacen shovel food into his mouth with his hands.

 

"Hey!" Rey protested and shoved an elbow into her friend’s ribs.

 

But only she could see the faint hits of Kylo Ren within her son. The shape of his jaw, the curve of his eyebrows, the way that he scrunched up his face whenever he was mad. Had general Organa still been alive, Rey would have been exposed.

 

Jacen’s hair was the same too. All jet black, curly, and soft to touch.

 

The hair was what got to her more than anything else. It was one of Kylo Ren’s most recognizable features, and Rey feared that people would start making connections if she allowed it to grow past her son’s ears. She went out of her way to keep it as short as possible, until Jacen almost looked bald.

 

The kid would often fidget and complain about the constant haircuts. Running away and desperately begging her to let him grow it longer like his friends. But Rey refused to relent. 

 

"Jeez, Rey, what you got against kids and hair," muttered Poe as he watched her shave Jacen’s head for the second time that month. 

 

"It’s troublesome," said Rey as she held a fidgeting Jacen in place with the force. "He’s small and it’s difficult to take care of, not to mention lice and other bugs. It’s just one less thing to worry about around here." 

 

"But a little longer wouldn’t hurt the kid, Rey."

 

"It’s just better this way!" She quickly snapped back, but then regretted losing her temper. 

 

Rey tried to reign in her own paranoia. Not one person had ever hinted to any connection between her child and the supreme leader, but she still made it a personal goal to make Jacen look as little as Kylo Ren as possible.

 

She encouraged him to play outside until his skin was tanned and freckled. She let him walk around with his face and clothes constantly streaked with dirt.

 

She barely taught him manners and etiquette, and Jacen became one of the wildest children on the base.

 

"You need to discipline your kid, Jedi," snapped another mother who’d had enough of Jacen’s antics. "The boy is positively feral, he’s a bad influence on the other children."

 

But Rey just nervously laughed back. "He’s only going to be a kid once. Why not let him be one with nature?"

 

The woman sighed and rolled her eyes, but Rey didn’t care if she was labeled a bad parent.

 

The wilder Jacen was, the less chance that anyone would see the resemblance between him and another quiet pale boy, who once followed senator Organa.

 

\-----

 

The war raged on. Any chance she had at telling the truth, became harder and harder as more people died and resentment towards the First Order grew.

 

She’d leave her room every morning to find Jacen playing with orphans, who’d no doubt despise him if they ever discovered that it was his father who killed their parents. 

 

The Resistance had hit another low. Not as bad as Crait, but bad nonetheless. Their members were deserting in droves, and it was difficult to gather support as more planets sided with the First Order to save themselves. 

 

It was becoming a war of ideology and the legend of Luke Skywalker was fading. They needed a new beacon of hope, and according to Poe, Rey was the only one who could do it.

 

"But I’m not even a real Jedi, Poe," she complained to the general when he told her his plan. "And since Jacen was born, I haven’t really trained at all."

 

“But you can use the force, Rey, and that’s enough. As long as we have you, hope will spread."

 

And so she became a poor imitation of a diplomatic Jedi envoy. Sent to meet tribal leaders and kings of distant worlds. Praising the Resistance and rattling off promises of freedom and democracy for all.

 

They would watch her displays of the force with awe, then pour out their hopes and dreams for a new Jedi order like the ones of old.

 

“MadamJedi, you are our light in the darkness," said one king who gave them a hundred ships. "With you we can bring balance to the galaxy and defeat the wicked Kylo Ren."

 

_Defeat Kylo Ren_ , they’d all say. Like it was expected that she would shove a lightsaber through his chest and end the war. She was the only one with the force powers to match him, but had no desire to murder their greatest foe.

 

What would they say if they knew it was his heir who trailed behind her? 

 

No one could understand what she was going through. The pressure was overwhelming. So much so that she was beginning to understand why Luke Skywalker threw himself into self imposed exile.

 

Rey often thought of running away. Going to live on some remote moon with Jacen where she wouldn’t have to lie or pretend to be something she wasn’t. Where she wouldn’t have to live in fear of someone discovering the truth. 

 

But then she’d see the way her son watched in awe and mimicked her Jedi moves. Looking up to her like she was the most important thing in the galaxy.

 

It was then that Rey told herself just to grin and bare it. To accept everyone’s hopes and dreams. If she worked just a little harder, pretended a little longer, she could build a better world for herself and her son.

 

But at night when it was dark, and she was all alone, her thoughts still went back to him. Just like they had every night since they parted. She’d remember the times when Ben was gentle, kind, and understood her more than anyone else. 

 

And then she’d feel shame for wanting to meet him again.

 

_I know, I feel it too,_ said his soft voice in her mind from across the stars. 

 

 

_\-------_

 

 

Jacen initially showed little interest in knowing about his father. He instead turned to other role models such as Finn and Poe, and probably spent the first few years of his life assuming one of them was his father, but by the time he was five he was beginning to catch on.

 

Then the inevitable question finally came. 

 

"Mom, where is dad?" He asked while she was cutting his hair. 

 

It was so much of a shock that Rey almost sliced off his ear with her scissors.

 

"Why are you asking such a thing?" She tried her best to remain as calm as possible.

 

"Well...... Sola’s dad died fighting the first order, but she still talks about him sometimes, but no one ever talks about my dad. Do I have a dad?" he asked quizzically. 

 

"Of course Jacen." She smiled. "But he’s far away now."

 

"When’s he coming back?"

 

"He’s very busy Jacen. He probably won’t come back."

 

Rey realized how cold that sounded, but Jacen was still too young to understand the full implications of those words.

 

"What does he like?"

 

_Ruling the galaxy_ , didn’t seem like an appropriate answer. "Spaceships," she said instead.

 

"Is he a pilot?"

 

"Sometimes."

 

"What’s his favorite color?"

 

"Black, I suppose."

 

"Does he have a lightsaber like you?"

 

"Yes- No, no of course not." 

 

The conversation was becoming too real and she needed to put an end to it before she let something else slip. She took a moment to calmly inhale and compose herself.

 

"I wish I could tell you more about him, Jacen. But it was so long ago and I only knew him for a very short time. There really isn’t much to say."

 

_She’s lying,_ was the first thought that shot through his mind. He couldn’t explain why. 

 

Jacen was then hit by the image of a man dressed in black in the snow. His long black hair whipped around his face in the strong wind. Dark eyes wide in surprise as they reflected the bright light of a blue lightsaber. 

 

But as soon as he saw the vision, it was gone in an instant.

 

His mother froze, like she instantly knew that he’d pulled the thought from her mind. 

 

Rey put down the scissors then walked around to face her son. She then dropped to his level and took his hands within her own.

 

"Jacen listen," said Rey. It was then that he noticed that his mother was shaking. "You have me, Poe, Finn, Rose, and everyone in the Resistance. We’re your family now and we all love you very much. It’s better to focus on what you have, then spend a lifetime waiting on someone who’s not coming back." 

 

Jacen remembered his mother's stories of Jakku. How she spent over fifteen years waiting on her family which never came. He thought that his father was kind of like that.

 

_Forget. Please forget about him. Think of us instead._ The thought was inexplicably strong, like his mother was pushing it into him through the force. 

 

All of a sudden the father that he desperately wanted to know didn’t matter. 

 

\----

 

Despite her desperate plea to Jacen to forget his father, Rey only lasted a few more months before she cracked and let the man into her mind. 

 

But only when it was dark and lonely and she could no longer stand to be inside her own head.

 

And she could pretend that it was all just a dream.

 

They would stare at each other as they touched themselves. As though it had only been days since they last parted. Rey would listen to his soft voice and obscene descriptions of what he wanted to do to her body. Imagining his real hands on her as she came.

 

But there were rules this time. She wouldn’t go to him, and he wouldn’t come to her. She would tell him nothing of the Resistance and he would tell her none of the First Order’s plans. They would pretend that they existed in their own space apart from reality, and nothing they did together mattered in the real world.

 

Occasionally he would break the rules, by spewing out First Order propaganda in a poor attempt to convert her. Sometimes it would be her mentioning his family which would cause him to break and shut her out. 

 

But after a few months they’d be back to square one.

 

Quietly touching themselves in the dark as they pretended not to need each other. 

 

\-----

 

For some reason it suddenly seemed like the right time to tell Ben. Across a dark room when he was galaxies away and incapable of lashing out or hunting her down. 

 

Maybe she was just tired of keeping it a secret, or perhaps she wanted to shock him into change. 

 

" _Ben_ ," Rey said softly. The words came more easily than she expected, as though she was destined to say them. "After we were together... I had a son."

 

"I know," he said without any hesitation.

 

Rey’s breath caught in her throat. Shocked that he already knew. "If you knew all along, then why didn’t you say anything?"

 

" _You know why_ ," he whispered back. 

 

And then she could feel it. Emotions and thoughts that he couldn’t voice out loud.

 

He thought that he was a poison that destroyed anything he touched. A monster who murdered his own father and destroyed countless worlds. Someone like him was incapable of being loved.

 

Any child of his would be infinitely better off without him in their life. 

 

"You were right," his voice trembled as his eyes became wet. "You were right to keep him away."

 

"Oh, Ben," she said softly and reached out to hold his hand from across the galaxy.

 

"Things are better this way," he murmured back.

 

\------

 

The war continued for years without any end. They would finally have a break through and push the First Order back, only to have the enemy regroup and retaliate. Then the Resistance would be on the run for months until they found more support and fought back. It was a constant push and pull with no end in sight.

 

Jacen was almost seven and the children his age knew nothing other than war. 

 

Rey knew that it was time for change. She could feel it in her bones. There had to be other ways to fight the First Order. Not just with blasters and bombs.

 

She confronted Ben about her idea the next time they met.

 

The war was affecting him too, but he refused to let anyone but her see it. He sat curled up in a large chair on some star destroyer. Broken and vulnerable, nothing like the cold dictator who appeared on the propaganda holos.

 

"Ben, this can’t continue, it’s been years. The galaxy is falling apart. I think......" She almost lost the courage to say what she needed to. "I think we need to stop destroying each other… and find a way to work together."

 

Perhaps Rose's long speeches of _saving what they love_ had affected her, or perhaps she was also influenced by her own feelings about the Supreme Leader.

 

Rey expected him to quickly reject her idea, like he had countless times before. But instead Ben obediently nodded, like he’d also come to the same conclusion. 

 

Rey didn’t know what else to say after that. They sat there in silence as he stared at something to his left which she couldn’t see.

 

"I can’t do it on my own," Ben said quietly. Voice strained as though the words caused him great pain. "I… I need you to help me." 

 

"How, Ben?"

 

"I need you here."

 

"Ben, you know that I can’t-"

 

" _Please, Rey_ ," and with those words a part of her broke down. “Even if it’s only for a short while. _Please help me_."

 

Rey sighed. She still despised the First Order. Going to him went against everything she stood for, but she couldn’t bring herself to say _no_ again. 

 

"If I come to you, then I need you to give up on the Resistance. I can’t help you while your killing my friends."

 

“That..can be done.”

 

“Then if you do that, I’ll go to you. I don’t know how yet, but-"

 

He finished the sentence for her. "We’ll find a way."

 

She reached out and took his hand. It was a poor imitation of the real thing. All ghost like and barely tangible, but she could feel the force flowing through them both. Far stronger and more balanced than when she was alone. 

 

"What about your child, Rey?"

 

Whenever Jacen inevitably came up in conversation it was always _your child_ , like Ben was going through the same denial that consumed her before Jacen was born. 

 

Rey had lain awake at night for hours. Trying to decide a plan for Jacen if something were to happen. It seemed like the right time to put it into action. 

 

"I found a jedi master, her name is Ahsoka. She agreed to train me and Jacen. Maybe she’d be willing to train him alone. She told me that was how it used to be, just one master and a student, without the parents there. That’s the proper Jedi way, right?"

 

Ben sat there quietly and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

 

"She was once taught by your grandfather," Rey continued. "That should be good enough for you, right? Oh great supreme leader.”

 

Rey expected another lecture on the failure of the Jedi order, but instead Ben just nodded his head and said "whatever you think is best."

 

\----

 

The deal arrived a week later. Far colder and brutal than what they discussed together.

 

The Resistance would pull out of all First Order controlled worlds in exchange for allowing non-controlled planets the choice to become democratic. The First Order would also allow the exchange of prisoners, but required the Resistance to hand over the Last Jedi, General Dameron and another handful of key Resistance members. There was no explanation of what would become of them. 

 

“This is too much, Ben!” Rey screamed in his face. “This wasn’t what we agreed on. You can’t do this to Poe and the others!”

 

“Relax,” he said and leaned back in his chair, not the slightest bit phased by her outburst. “This is how negotiations work. Each side starts off by asking for more than what they want. You’ll see,” he added with a slight smile. 

 

True to his word, after weeks of negotiations, the conditions were changed to exile from First Order territory for everyone, except Rey.

 

She knew that Poe tried his best. Even offering to let them take him instead, but Kylo Ren refused to bargain any further. It was either take the gracious conditions he offered, or the war would continue.

 

“I won’t do it, Rey!" yelled Poe. He slammed his fist down on the desk of a crammed dusty office. "I won’t hand you over to that monster!"

 

As moved as she was by his loyalty, Rey still couldn’t bring herself to tell him the truth. Hiding her true relationship with Kylo Ren had become far too ingrained into her life.

 

"Poe you have to take this deal while we still have the chance," she protested. "This is the most reasonable offer that they’ve given us so far."

 

"I won’t let them hurt you! Jacen needs you. We need you. I need you," he added as an afterthought. She couldn’t remember how or when she became so important to the man before her. 

 

“Please, Poe,” Rey begged as the tears ran down her face. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep going from planet to planet. Begging for men, only to watch them die. I can’t keep shooting people out of the sky..... I can’t take losing anyone I care about."

 

"But we can-"

 

"Just let me do this! It’s the only way to save everyone!"

 

Poe was taken back by her outburst and stood there stunned. 

 

"Maybe it won't be so bad," she said to reassure him. "If I go to them and co-operate, then maybe I can convince them to change things. There are more ways to fight this battle then just with ships."

 

"Rey-"

 

"Use this as a chance. Go to the outer rim, Poe. Go and rebuild. Then if things don't work out, the Resistance will be ready."

 

Poe looked like he wanted to argue, but instead sighed as though the general in him had finally accepted that it was the best plan.

 

"It won’t be for long. We’ll find you and we'll save you!" He swore. He lunged forward and embraced her. Hugging Rey tightly to his chest like he was afraid of letting go.

 

“Thank you, Poe. Thank you for everything."

 

\-----

 

Rey tried to spend as much time as she could with her son, in the days leading up to her departure. Doing her best to remain upbeat so that he’d have some positive memories to look back on. She taught him how to meditate and took him flying in an x-wing. Patiently explaining all the controls like she'd never have another chance. 

 

In her dreams they were also together, but Jacen was so much taller. Happily laughing on a sunny day with black hair down past his ears. She felt comforted by knowing that one day they would meet again. 

 

Poe had doubts about the First Order’s deal, so it was decided that Rey would deliver herself to one of their star destroyers alone. The Resistance would then move to another location that Rey didn’t know, just to protect themselves in case the deal fell through. 

 

Poe came to see her off, along with Finn, Rose, and half the Resistance. Rey had no idea how a lonely scavenger from the sands of Jakku ever managed to gain so many loyal friends. 

 

"If they give you any trouble, just send us a message," said Finn. "I don't care about any treaties. I’ll fly in there to break you out myself."

 

"Don’t you think it’s the other way around?" laughed Rose. "They’re the ones who’ll need saving from Rey." 

 

Rey had already prepared for this inevitable goodbye, fiercely assuring herself that she wouldn't be gone forever, but it still broke her heart when her son dived towards her. 

 

"Mom!’" Jacen cried and wrapped himself around her legs. “Mom! Don’t leave!” 

 

She was reminded of another small child. Standing in the sand as her only family left to never come back. But this time was different. Jacen had other people who loved and cared for him.

 

“Hey, Jacen,” she smiled. “This isn’t forever. Mommy just has some things to take care of."

 

"Then I want to go with you!" He cried as tears poured from his eyes.

 

She had once thought of taking him too, but the First Order wasn’t safe. She didn’t know if she could truly trust Ben, or the people who worked alongside him.

 

“Hey, you don’t need me," she laughed, trying her best to stop the tears from pouring forth. "You’re a big boy now, and Poe’s gonna take you to Ahsoka. She’s going to teach you how to become a Jedi like mommy. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”

 

He defiantly shook his head, like all the long speeches where he bragged about becoming a great jedi and saving the universe never happened. 

 

She hugged her child. “No matter where you go, or how far apart we are, I will always love you." She pressed her forehead against his. _We’ll always be connected,_ she added through the force. Passing all her feelings of love and peace towards her only son. 

 

"It’s okay, Jacen," said Poe. He took her son’s hand. "We’re here for you, buddy."

 

The look on her son’s face was almost enough to change her mind, but Rey patted his head one last time, then turned and walked towards her ship. 

 

She buried her sadness and confidently strolled towards it with her head held high. Reassuring herself that all her actions, no matter how undesirable, were all for the sake of creating a better world for him. 

 

 

 


	2. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thanks for sticking around for another chapter. The first one was more like a prologue, so this is where to story really starts heading more in the direction that I imagined from the beginning.
> 
> I’m currently working on my own original story “Memories of a Soul in the Underworld.” It’s free to read online and you can check it out here on my website. http://www.mcqueenwrites.com/p/diary-of-soul.html

 

**Five years later**

 

In the time since the Resistance struck up a deal with the First Order, Finn, Poe, Rose, and most Resistance members had located to an old rebel base in the outer rim.

 

They were in _power saving mode_ , as Poe liked to call it. It was best to bide their time and build up resources than to openly challenge the _New Empire_. They still hadn’t given up on the idea of peaceful diplomacy, but they had to be prepared. The Resistance never knew when the Empire could suddenly back out of their deal and attempt to strike them down.

 

People like Poe may have missed the fighting, but Finn finally had what he’d always dreamed of. A quiet life far away from the First Order. So what if they hadn’t saved the galaxy? Half of it seemed to actually like the First Order's warped version of Imperial rule.

 

Everything would have been perfect…. If Rey returned.

 

Finn thought of his old friend as he systematically ripped apart an old computer console for parts. Wondering what Rey would say if she could see him at that moment. Finn could imagine her shaking her head in disapproval, then walking over to help, not hesitating to tell him that he was doing it all wrong. Rapidly rattling off the names of parts which made absolutely no sense.

 

Finn would try hard for her sake. For all their sakes.

 

After hours of ripping and sorting, Finn finally decided to take a break. He was on his way to the mess to grab lunch. Wiping the dirt from his hands with a rag, when he was suddenly attacked by a strange child who threw themselves into his abdomen.

 

"Finn!" The kid screamed as he wrapped his arms around the large man’s waist.

 

Finn stood there in shock, wondering if it was another lunatic fan who'd heard of his heroic exploits and battles against the enemy. He had to fend off at least two a month, and the last one had even attempted to steal his famous jacket.

 

Finn stood there as stiff as a board, and when the kid pulled away, he found himself face to face with a pale preteen with dark eyes and long curly black hair. Dressed in a worn jacket and pants that had become an inch too short.

 

The kid’s smile disappeared when he saw the look of confusion on Finn’s face. “Finn, it’s me.”

 

“ _Ahhhh, hey_ ,” Finn said nervously while trying to work out how he knew the boy. He had a vague sense of deja vu, but kids grew up so quickly, and it was impossible to remember all their names.

 

"It’s me, Finn,” the kid said more forcefully. Exasperated that the ex-stormtrooper didn’t immediately recognize him. “Jacen."

 

“Jacen?" And then Finn could see it. The eyes, the nose, and the familiar smile which he instantly recognized as Rey’s kid. Jacen's freckles had faded, his skin looked paler, and his eyes had become darker, but Finn wanted to kick himself for not recognizing him sooner.

 

“Jacen!” Finn cried and picked the boy up from under his armpits and spun him around. "Look at you! Whenever did you get so big? And look at all that hair.”

 

"Do you like it?” Jacen laughed. “I started growing it long since I left."

 

Finn felt dizzy and soon put the kid down. Jacen wobbled uneasily, but soon regained his balance.

 

“Looks great, buddy.” Finn gave him a thumbs up. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be off training to be a Jedi? Where’s Ahsoka?”

 

“Right here,” said a voice from before him, and Finn looked up to see the elderly woman with one hand on her hip, and an attitude which had only grown stronger with age.

 

"Hey, Ahsoka,” said Finn awkwardly. Unsure of how to greet someone with such a large scowl on their face. “Long time no see."

 

"I suppose it has been,” she sighed. “Is Dameron here?"

 

“Poe’s out on a run, but he should be back within a few days.”

 

“Typical,” she muttered. “Who have they put in charge while he’s gone.”

 

“That would be me.”

 

“Then I suppose you’ll have to do. There are many things which we need to discuss.”

 

"Sure, fire away."

 

Her eyes quickly glanced to Jacen and then back at Finn. "Alone."

 

Jacen turned away from Ahsoka and Finn could see the beginnings of a frown on the boy’s face.

 

“Oh, okay,” Finn replied hesitantly. Concerned that whatever she had to say couldn’t be good. “Why don’t you go see if you can find any of your old friends, little buddy.” Finn ruffled Jacen’s hair. “I’m sure they’ll be glad to see you again.”

 

Jacen hesitantly nodded then smiled back, turning and running into the depths of the base.

 

 

\-------------

 

Finn led Ahsoka into Poe’s office. It was a dark room with one flickering dim light. Littered with droid parts, and whatever junk had been left behind by the previous owner. Fairly disappointing for any outsider, but the Resistance was accustomed to far less, so they never complained.

 

 

“Can I interest you in some tea or caff,” said Finn who’d just recently learnt about entertaining. “We've got a whole load of ration bars-”

 

"I won’t train him any longer,” said Ahsoka.

 

“ _Okaaaay?”_ said Finn uneasily. That was certainly blunt. “Why?”

 

“I can’t take it anymore.” Ahsoka plonked herself down onto the closest available rusty chair which groaned under her weight. She threw her hands into the air with frustration. “The boy is driving me up the wall. He’s moody, refuses to follow rules, impatient, doesn’t listen to a thing I say.”

 

Finn nervously coughed. Fairly confident that Ahsoka had just described half the teens on base. “Well...... he’s almost a teenager, I’m sure that it’s just a sta-.”

 

"He spent hours begging me to let him pilot on the way over," Ahsoka continued. “If I hand him the controls for a second he starts doing tricks. I was this close to strangling the kid."

 

She then delved into a long rant about Jacen’s atrocious table manners and terrible bathing habits. Apparently it had taken years to fix and still wasn’t up to scratch.

 

_What w_ _ould_ _Poe do?_ Thought Finn as he sat behind the man’s desk, nodding in agreement every once in a while. _He would try his best to negotiate the best outcome._

 

“We’ll talk to him,” said Finn. Trying his best to give the most Poe like answer. “Make him see reason. Jacen knows us well so he might listen once he knows how important his training is to everyone….”

 

"That won’t change my mind," she huffed.

 

“Huh? But you just said that his behavior was driving you crazy.”

 

“It is.”

 

“So we’ll give him a stern time out or something.”

 

“That won’t change anything.”

 

“It could work.”

 

“It won’t.”

 

“Why not, Ahsoka?"

 

The old woman bit her lip. Nervously tapping her fingers on the arm of her chair. “A kid like that shouldn’t become a Jedi.”

 

“What….. Why not?” Finn didn’t know the Jedi requirements, but it wasn’t like there were many of them left. Ahsoka had no right to be fussy about who she let in.

 

"He lacks emotional control."

 

“Emotional control?”

 

"He’s prone to emotional outbursts. He hates the Empire and resents them for taking his mother. If things continue on this way…….. I sense nothing but darkness in his future."

 

“Wait,” said Finn. The meaning of those words slowly sinking in. “Are you saying that there’s a chance that Jacen could go over….to the dark side?"

 

Ahsoka nodded.

 

“As in another Kylo Ren?”

 

“I don’t know for sure,” she sighed. “The future is always changing, it’s difficult to predict, but this darkness I sense in him……… grows by the day. I felt it once before..... in his mother, but even more so in him.”

 

"Hey, what do you mean?” Finn thought of Rey. One of the kindest and purehearted people he'd ever known. The complete opposite to a monster like Kylo Ren. “There was never any darkness in Rey."

 

Ahsoka laughed. She didn’t intend to, but the look on Finn’s face was such a surprise that she couldn’t control herself. “Oh, don’t kid yourself. It was there, as much as she liked to hide it. But blatantly obvious to anyone who could use the force. She never fully gave into it, but she would naturally tap into it from time to time without even realizing it herself. I of course tried to teach her other ways, but she never truly could break the habit.”

 

Finn sat there stunned. But then surprise soon turned to anger. Who was Ahsoka to walk in unannounced and insult one of his closest friends? Someone who she barely knew. If there was anything dark about Rey he would have known about it himself.

 

Finn wanted more than anything to snap back at Ahsoka, to tell her that she was senile and wrong, but that wasn’t diplomacy, and raising his voice wasn’t going to help convince her to continue Jacen’s training.

 

So instead he just calmly nodded his head, deciding to agree with Ahsoka no matter what crazy nonsense came spewing from her mouth.

 

"What was Jacen’s father like?" Ahsoka asked. “Was he also strong with the force?”

 

"There was no father," Finn muttered, trying his best to remain rational and calm.

 

"Don’t give me that, there’s always a father."

 

Rey hadn’t been a big fan of describing the night that led to Jacen, and Finn was unsure of how much he was allowed to say. "Jacen’s father..... was a guy who she met in a bar. He left soon after they met, so even Rey doesn’t know much about him."

 

"Really, that's funny.”

 

"How come?"

 

“That wasn’t the feeling I got from her."

 

“What do you mean?"

 

"I don’t know... ..perhaps it’s just from the emotions which I read from the top her mind. But it seemed as though Jacen’s father was someone who she cared for very much."

 

That pretty much confirmed it for Finn.

 

Ahsoka was nuts.

 

But so was anyone he met who used the force…….so maybe it was a Jedi thing. But as crazy and angry as she was, she was currently the only one in the galaxy who could turn Jacen into a Jedi, so Finn needed her to change her mind.

 

“Please Ahsoka.” He gave her his best desperate face. It usually worked on Rose. “Please reconsider. The Resistance will reward you handsomely if you can just continue to train him for a few more years.”

 

“No,” she snapped.

 

"Please."

 

"No."

 

“ _Please_.”

 

“No means no and that’s my final answer!”

 

Finn sighed and slumped his shoulders. Trying to think of the best way to break the news to Poe, or possibly Rey, if she ever returned.

 

"But not all is lost,” Ahsoka said a little more kindly. Perhaps sensing his despair. “Hopefully his behavior is nothing more than a phase. Perhaps some time with familiar people will help him to let go of his hate and find some peace. I’ve meditated on this for hours and it’s the best solution.”

 

Finn nodded. "And if he calms down…. will you come back and train him?"

 

Ahsoka was quiet for a moment, like she was reluctant to give an answer.

 

"We’ll see," she said.

 

\-------------

 

 

Ahsoka stayed for a few more days to see Jacen get settled. The relationship between them was frosty, as though the kid resented her for bringing him back, but Finn could tell that she cared for Jacen, no matter how much the old hardarse tried not to let it show.

 

Finn watched from afar as Ahsoka lectured Jacen on his manners, and outlined a new meditation and training schedule which would somehow calm the troubled boy’s heart. Insisting that a calm mind and patience was the best path to the force.

 

Jacen would moan and complain every once and a while, but he still hung onto every word. As though trying his best to commit them all to memory.

 

As sad as the situation was, Finn couldn’t deny that he enjoyed having Jacen back. Finn never had any children of his own, so the boy was the closest thing he had to a son. Finn, Rose, and Jacen would eat dinner together while talking of old times. Then they’d stay up late discussing the latest space races like the past five years had never happened.

 

Finn tried to convince himself that Jacen’s stay was only a temporary thing. The kid obviously just needed a break from traveling alone with a grumpy old lady, that’s all. Jacen would surely be good in a few months and then Finn could call Ahsoka back.

 

And there would be no talk of the dark side and uncontrollable emotions.

 

\-------------

 

Finn convinced Jacen to get out of bed and see Ahsoka off. The two of them stood in the hangar and watched her ship power up. Weakly waving goodbye as it flew off into the distance.

 

Finn tried to convince himself that it was for the best, but he was still disappointed that it wasn’t the future he envisioned five years earlier. Back then he imagined the kid coming back to them as a Jedi master, swinging a blue lightsaber alongside his mother as they set out to destroy the Empire.

 

Jacen’s face was blank as he waved good-bye. As though he didn’t care, or perhaps cared too much and refused to let it show.

 

"Are you gonna miss her?" asked Finn.

 

"It’s fine,” said Jacen grimly. “I’m pretty used to being abandoned by now."

 

_Crap,_ thought Finn. _Now I’ve really blown it._

 

“Jacen-” He reached out to touch the boy’s shoulder, but Jacen shrugged Finn's hand away.

 

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Jacen muttered with a strained smile then turned to leave.

 

Finn stood there stunned, wondering if he should follow, but he remembered himself at that age and decided that it was best to leave the boy alone for a few hours. They could talk about it later. Once Jacen had some time to calm down.

 

But Finn still wondered why it hurt so much to back off.

 

\-------------

 

Finn was right. Jacen wanted to be alone. The boy couldn’t stand the thought of having to speak to anyone at that moment. To pretend that everything was fine when his mind had become a whirlwind of negative emotions.

 

He thought that Ahsoka would be different. That she’d actually fulfill all her promises and be there for him, but she’d gone and left when things became inconvenient for her. Just like his mother.

 

Jacen stormed down the halls of the base. Passing other young children and teens who emerged from the temporary dorms. Merrily chatting with friends and parents, like they didn’t know what it was like to be alone. Like they’d never wanted to meet someone so badly, but forced to live without them.

 

Jacen could recognize several adults from years earlier, but no one stopped to greet him. As though Jacen had changed too much for anyone to recognize the once wild child.

 

It was better that way. He didn’t want to explain why he was back there, instead of out training to become their Jedi.

 

It wasn’t long before Jacen found himself in a makeshift repair shed. Several mechanics were refurbishing ancient x-wings from before the fall of the first empire. So rusted with age that it was a miracle that they even moved.

 

A holonet screen blared on in the corner as they worked. Rattling on about fishing on Mon Calamari. Jacen only gazed at it briefly before it switched to a news broadcast. Flashing the symbol of the New Republic before the announcer appeared on screen.

 

“ _The uprising on_ _Wobani_ _has_ _now entered i_ _t_ _s third day without any sign o_ _f_ _a_ _n_ _end. All ships are barred f_ _rom_ _entering space. Th_ _e citizens_ _are refusing to submit to_ _I_ _mperial rule.”_

 

The T.V then switched to scenes of protest. People holding large signs saying _Down with the empire_ _,_ and prolific messages full of comments so rude that they’d been blurred out with the camera.

 

“ _BEEP the empire!”_ Cried one man who was proudly waving a burning flag _._ _"_ _Those motherBEEP have no idea what BEEPing coming to them. They can all BEEP rot in BEEP BEEP.”_

 

Jacen was overcome with awe. Proud that at least some people hadn’t given up on fighting back against the New Empire.

 

The camera went back to the news announcer. “ _Today the empress issued this statement before the press.”_

 

Jacen’s blood suddenly ran cold, but he didn’t look away. The video switched to a different broadcast, and there she was, his mother. Looking all regal like a proper empress should, with her expensive dress and clipped accent. No one would ever guess that it was the same dirty woman who once force fed him insects when they were low on food.

 

“ _We’ve all lost too much to violence already,”_ said his mother passively. Her voice level and calm like the days when she used to negotiate with crazed pirates. _“I can understand the feelings of these people, but rebellions and uprising_ _s_ _are not the right way to achieve_ _such_ _goals. Only through calm negotiations and mutual understanding, can we possibly-”_

 

Jacen found himself transfixed. Unable to look away. No matter how much the sight of her defending the New Empire mortified him.

 

“ _I’m certain that if we were all to sit down and talk_ ,” she continued. _“Then we’d discover more similarities among ourselves than differences._ ”

 

No one stopped to question his mother's words. No one asked the hard questions or doubted those in charge. That was how the New Empire worked.

 

A few mechanics gathered around the Holonet terminal to watch the broadcast as well. Paying little attention to Jacen.

 

“Same shit, different day,” muttered one man. “I give it another day before the Empire sends their forces in.”

 

"Wasn’t that the Last Jedi?" asked one elderly man as he wiped his hands on a pair of stained overalls.

 

" _Was_ , being the key word there," replied his friend.

 

“Looks like she’s gone and made a good life for herself over there.”

 

“I guess that’s what you get if you’re willing to screw Kylo Ren.”

 

Jacen's fist clenched at those words. He quickly forced himself to move away before he did something he’d regret. The boy wanted nothing more than to throw them against the wall with the force, to scream that they were wrong…...but that wasn’t the way of the Jedi.

 

He promised Ahsoka that he'd try to control his anger.

 

_Fear leads to anger,_ _a_ _nger leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side,_ he repeated within his mind like a children’s rhyme. _The dark side leads to monsters like Kylo Ren,_ he added as an afterthought.

 

Jacen had tried his best to calm himself. To let go of his hate for the New Empire and its ruler. But it was impossible to ignore the void that gnawed away at his chest when he thought of her, his mother. Trapped in some dark tower for years with Imperial monsters.

 

There were times over the years when Jacen thought he sensed her presence. Like a warm sunny day. Watching over him. But they couldn’t communicate with words like before. Whatever strange force connection they had, couldn’t reach that far across the stars.

 

Jacen had watched enough Holo news to know that opinions were divided on his mother. Some thought of her as a victim. An unwilling puppet forced to speak the Empire’s lies. Chained into marriage with the Emperor just to improve their image and gain the support of old Resistance allies.

 

But others, the one’s who Jacen hated the most, would say that she willingly defected on her own will and betrayed them all. Kylo Ren had a lot to offer an orphan from Jakku, and she was easily sold on the power and status. Who would want to be a martyr for a lost cause when you could rule the galaxy?

 

But Jacen refused to believe those sort of poisonous lies. He knew his mother far better than they ever could. He’d grown up watching her work tirelessly for the Resistance and democracy without any regard for herself. His mother who had relentlessly fought for what she believed in, would have never willingly gone to their side.

 

He was certain that she was a prisoner of the Empire.

 

And one day he’d save her. With or without the Resistance's help.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter. Feel free to check out my free writing blog at www.mcqueenwrites.com


	3. Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments. They brought joy to my heart and really motivated me to continue!
> 
> I’ve recently started playing Battlefront II. It’s great because you can get into the Star Wars atmosphere, but I’m completely crap at it and I keep dying multiple times on the easiest setting. I don’t think I would survive in the Star Wars world.

 

Finn couldn’t sleep that evening.

 

He found himself staring at the rusty ceiling, then at the distress beacon which sat upon his dresser. He handed its twin to Rey on the day that she left.

 

They couldn’t let Rey know the Resistance’s location (for fear of being discovered by the New Empire) but his friend could send out a distress signal when she wanted to be rescued.

 

Then they would rush in and save her.

 

The plan had been mapped out in Finn’s head for years. He would go in with guns blazing. Then blast their way to freedom as Rey had his back. The Jedi skillfully deflecting blaster fire with her blue lightsaber. Hopefully cutting down Kylo Ren in the process, or at least leave him crying tears of anguish as they flew off into the distance.

 

There was once a time when Finn wore the beacon every day. Waiting for a signal from Rey.

 

But it never came.

 

Now the beacon sat neglected in his room for years. As though Rey wasn’t in a position to call for help, or didn’t want to put them in danger.

 

_Where are you, Rey?_ Finn thought to himself. _Your son needs you._

 

“Can’t sleep?” asked Rose when Finn fidgeted again for the twentieth time that night.

 

“No,” Finn groaned.

 

“Wanna talk about it?”

 

“No, " Finn sighed with frustration. "Wait..actually I do.." He paused. Trying to think of the best way to voice his worries out loud. “It’s about Jacen.”

 

“Ah..I had a feeling that you’d say that,” Rose propped her head up on one elbow. “Fire away.”

 

“I can’t believe that Ahsoka just left him like that.” Finn didn’t bother to hide his frustration. “After promising to make him a Jedi! It’s all the kid’s ever dreamed about since....... _Forever_. What’s going to become of him if she doesn’t come back?”

 

“Did she say why she did it?”

 

“Something about Jacen hating the Empire and falling to the dark side…. Cryptic Jedi stuff like always," he sighed. "I don’t know how leaving him here is going to make things better. You should have seen the kid’s face when she left. It was almost like the time that-.”

 

Rose finished his sentence. “Rey left.”

 

“Yeah, just like that. How do you come back from something like that when you're only twelve. ”

 

“Look at us, we didn’t have parents and we both turned out okay.”

 

Finn smiled back. “You're right, Rose. But he’s not us. And his parents aren’t dead, Rey’s trapped within the First Order, and his father…….”

 

_His father….._

 

“Isn’t in the picture,” said Rose.

 

"But there was something that Ahsoka said.” Finn felt strange to repeat Ahsoka’s weird gibberish, but perhaps Rose could see something that he was missing. “As crazy as it sounds, she thinks that Rey may have known more about Jacen's father than she was letting on. She thinks that they might have actually been close.”

 

"No way. Close? Like….” Rose’s face morphed into bewilderment as though she’d unlocked a hidden secret. “Poe?"

 

"What! Finn exclaimed. Shocked that she’d come to that conclusion. "Poe?"

 

"It makes sense," said Rose like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "He’s the only guy, other than you, who she was close to."

 

"No.” Finn shook his head. “If Poe was the father, then she would have said something."

 

"Not if they decided to keep it a secret."

 

"And why would they do that?"

 

"For… image sake, you know…. or maybe they didn’t want to be together. Maybe it was one of those one night things, or several night things."

 

"I doubt it,” Finn scoffed. “Poe would never be able to keep something like that a secret. He could never resist turning his own kid into a miniature fighter pilot."

 

“Maybe she didn’t even tell him.”

 

“Can you imagine Poe not freaking out if some girl he slept with got pregnant?”

 

“And that’s why she made up that story about the father.”

 

“That’s ridiculous.” Finn tried to see Rose’s point of view, just to humor her. Trying his best to imagine Jacen as a miniature Poe, but the first thought which came to mind was the night on Starkiller base. Watching as Kylo Ren came closer to slice up his back.

 

_He kind of looks more like Kylo Ren than Poe,_ murmured a stray thought in his mind, but it was too ridiculous of an idea to voice out loud.

 

“No, it had to have been someone else,” Finn muttered.

 

“Poe has dark hair and so does Jacen,” Rose added.

 

“So did a bunch of stormtroopers I worked with,” Finn said only to show Rose how ridiculous her Poe and Jacen theory was.

 

"Huh. A stormtrooper?"

 

"Yeah, there were plenty with black hair, pale skin, brown eyes, green eyes-”

 

“Finn, Finn." She began slapping his thigh with excitement. "What if Jacen's father was actually....... a stormtrooper?"

 

"There’s conditioning, Rose," Finn scoffed. "And there are few opportunities to hook up with girls, let alone the enemy."

 

"Then perhaps a First Order officer away on shore leave." Her eyes seemed to glitter like stars. "I can see it now. They met across a crowded bar without any idea that they were working for opposing sides."

 

"Rose-"

 

"Soon to fall hopelessly into forbidden love. Sneaking in secret meetings until the war tore them apart. Perhaps that’s why she went to the First Order, so that she could meet that guy again.”

 

“Rose, I really think you’re getting too carried away-”

 

“Or what if it was a gangster, or a smuggler, or the leader of a crime syndicate. Perhaps one night of tense negotiations led to a night of passionate romance."

 

Finn’s head was assaulted by images of Rey making out with several of the gangsters they’d negotiated with over the years. Most of them rarely bathed and there was one guy who resembled a slug.

 

Finn groaned and pulled his pillow up over his head. Trying to block out the horrifying images. “Please promise me that we’ll never talk about this again.”

 

“I still say that it's Poe,” mumbled Rose as she rolled over and drifted off to sleep.

 

**\---------**

 

 

Finn gave little thought to that conversation the next day, putting their wild Jacen father theories down to sleep deprivation. There was no way that Jacen was fathered by Poe, the First Order, or a gangster. Those were just crazy ideas.

 

The Rey he knew, would have never lied to him.

 

Finn’s concerns over Jacen made it difficult to sleep, and he found himself almost falling asleep into his soup during lunch.

 

“Hey! Sleepy head,” greeted Rose as she gave Finn a friendly slap on the shoulder, then sat down opposite him. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

 

She held out a clenched hand, then opened it to unveil a gray data chip.

 

“A data chip?” questioned Finn.

 

“Not just any data chip,” Rose smiled. “I compiled a database of all the medical records within the Resistance. With this we can suss out if Jacen has any relatives that we know.”

 

“Not this again, Rose,” Finn groaned. “Just forget about it.”

 

"And I got this." She thrust a lock of black hair in his face. "Tada! I got a fresh sample from Jacen, just to make sure."

 

“You stole the kid’s hair!” Finn cried in surprise.

 

“What did you think I did? Take it while he was sleeping? No, I gave him a haircut, silly. It was getting in his eyes."

 

Finn was shocked that his wife took their wild Jacen father theories so seriously. There was only one explanation.

 

“You still think it’s Poe, don’t you?”

 

"I’m not saying that it’s Poe," said Rose with a playful smile. “But _somebody_ owes me dinner if it is.”

 

“I dunno Rose,” Finn sighed. Overcome with a feeling of dread for reasons he couldn’t explain. “This could open a whole new can of worms.”

 

“But it’s for Jacen’s sake. Doesn’t the kid deserve to know if he has a father nearby.”

 

“A father who might not want anything to do with him? That’s exactly what he needs, more rejection.”

 

“We’ll cross that bridge once we get to it. I mean….." Rose paused. "We don’t have to tell anyone if we find him, but it would be good to know, just in case. You know, for medical reasons. But who knows, he could actually be a nice guy. Wouldn't it be a shame if he was here all along but we never knew?"

 

Finn glanced at the data chip as he began to understand Rose’s point of view. If by some off chance, Jacen's father was someone reliable, it could really be what the kid needed.

 

"Fine, let’s go check it out."

 

**\---------**

 

Finn sat back in a leather chair and watched as Rose input the data into the computer console.

 

“I still don’t think it’s Poe," he muttered.

 

“But maybe it’s one of the technicians, or the flight crew,” said Rose. “Tam was always bragging about how many girls he used to take back to his cock-pit.”

 

“Yeah, chances are that it’s some unreliable flight boy who jumped ship the moment we lost,” Finn muttered. He dreaded having that sort of conversation with Jacen. " _Perfect_."

 

The computer let out a beep and a long list of data appeared on the screen. It included several names which were a less than one percent match, as though they had a common ancestor.

 

“Well, it turns out that he’s super super distantly related to Bob the technician and Al the flight instructor,” said Rose. “Maybe they can be the family the kid’s never had.”

 

“I doubt it,” scoffed Finn. "But he’s definitely not related to Poe!" he cried in triumph when his friend’s name appeared with a zero percent match. "You owe me dinner, Rose."

 

"Fine," she huffed with disappointment. "But they do say that DNA isn’t a hundred percent accurate. Apparently there are these people who can actually have two sets-"

 

“Look, right here! Fifty percent!” Finn cried and pointed to a name on the screen. Shocked and surprised that they’d managed to find the answer so quickly. “That’s gotta be his father!”

 

“Finn, that’s Rey’s DNA.”

 

“Oh.” Finn suddenly felt deflated. “Then, what about this one.” He pointed to another number on the screen. “Twenty five percent. That’s gotta be a close relative, right?”

 

"Okay, let’s check out more about this one," said Rose. Zooming in on the numbers. Her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh."

 

“Oh, what?”

 

“It’s General Organa.”

 

Finn’s blood instantly ran cold.

 

_General Organa._

 

_Sister to Luke Skywalker._

 

_Also the mother of....._

 

For a moment Finn was too shocked to speak, but he quickly regained control of his senses. “Run it again,” he said as calmly as he could.

 

Rose punched some keys. The numbers crunched on the screen, but after a few minutes, the same results appeared.

 

_Leia Organa, twenty five percent._

 

Finn ran his fingers through his hair. Unsure if what he feared was a real possibility, or if he was just rushing to a ridiculous conclusion.

 

_No, there’s no possible way._ He thought to himself. _There has to be another reason for this._

 

“Hear me out Finn,” said Rose, who was perfectly calm despite Finn’s unease. “This might be a wild theory, but what if……. Rey and the General were actually related."

 

“What do you mean?” Finn said far too quickly.

 

“Well didn’t everyone say that Rey was super strong in the force. Like unnaturally strong. And she never knew her parents. What if she was actually related to the General’s family all along?”

 

Finn wanted to laugh with relief. Of course that was it. It all made sense. “Then let’s compare the General and Rey.”

 

The ex-stormtrooper stood there as the computer crunched the numbers. It was no surprise if Rey was the General’s long lost daughter or niece. Perhaps even the secret daughter of Luke Skywalker.

 

Finn was certain the the old Jedi must have been popular in his youth. Skywalker probably had girls lining up for miles after he took down the Empire. A guy that famous could have had children scattered throughout the galaxy.

 

The computer beeped and the results appeared on the screen.

 

Rey and General Organa shared no common DNA.

 

" _No way_ ,” Finn whispered.

 

“So obviously Jacen must be related to the General through his father’s side,” said Rose cheerfully. She still hadn’t caught onto Finn’s shock. “Through a nephew or brother or-"

 

"Son," Finn finished the sentence for her.

 

“Oh,” said Rose in horror as she finally caught onto Finn’s train of thought. “ _Oh my god_ ,” she breathed with horror.

 

Finn thudded his hand down on the dash.

 

“It’s still too early to know for sure!” said Rose in a poor attempt to console him. “This data's old. It's only-”

 

“There is one way to know for sure,” said Finn through gritted teeth.

 

“How?”

 

“Run it against _him_.”

 

Rose nervously bit her lip and went back to the computer. Rapidly punching the keys. “I don’t have any records for that guy.”

 

“Try Ben Solo, that’s the name they would have used.”

 

“I did, and there’s nothing. I mean..... that guy wouldn’t exactly go around handing his medical records out to the Resistance.”

 

“Then how about Han Solo? Run it against Solo.”

 

“It’s not here, either. He wasn’t part of the Resistance.”

 

Finn clenched his teeth. “But he was married to the General. There has to be something of his around here somewhere."

 

Finn briefly considered searching the Falcon for Han Solo’s long lost hair brush. But any of the man’s possessions had long been stripped from the Falcon after its many resales.

 

“Maybe it wasn’t that guy,” said Rose. “I mean……. it could have been his long lost brother or cousin. Or maybe even a clone."

 

“Yeah, because Rey could just hook up with someone who looked just like Kylo Ren, by accident, and never notice the resemblance.”

 

“Hey Finn," said Rose hesitantly. Almost as though she was too afraid to ask. "If it was him… do you think that he...…forced himself on her?”

 

Finn bit his lip. As terrible as it sounded, it seemed like the most obvious answer, but he remembered the way Rey had so willingly given herself to the First Order.

 

She’d been far too confident. Like his friend already knew that she would be fine. There’s no way that Rey would have looked that way if she was going to the man who once raped her.

 

“I don’t know,” said Finn.

 

“Well, maybe we’re just jumping to ridiculous conclusions,” laughed Rose nervously. “The data’s old and this machine's a piece of ancient junk.” Rose kicked the console to emphasize her point. “I’m sure it’s all just one big mistake. This might not even be the General’s data at all. They could have messed up the names. Not to mention that she probably has plenty of relatives who we don’t even know about. We could be freaking out over nothing right now.”

 

Finn sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He then reached forward and pulled the data chip out of its port. Choosing to believe in Rey instead of his own intuition. “You’re right Rose, I’m sure that it’s just something like that.”

 

**\---------**

 

Despite Finn’s decision to believe in Rey over outdated technology, he found himself unable to concentrate on his work that afternoon.

 

His thoughts were consumed by Rey and Kylo Ren.

 

With every machine part he removed, he imagined that monster attacking her.

 

Or even worse......... holding hands.

 

As much as he tried to tell himself that the idea was ridiculous, he couldn't shake the image of them together from his mind.

 

As disturbed as it made him feel.

 

Finn had to admit that there had also been times, before Jacen was born, when Rey had disappeared and become unreachable for hours. Always rattling off excuses about being one with the Force or completing her training. Finn never said anything, because he didn’t know any better, but she always came back with a distant look in her eyes.

 

That guy was strong and dangerous in the force, so it couldn’t have been hard for him to seduce someone as innocent and pure as Rey.

 

Or perhaps he blackmailed her.

 

_Or perhaps Rey was_ _working_ _with that guy from the very beginning.._.

 

Finn looked back on all his interactions with Rey, trying his best to decipher if it had all been real. She always seemed so dedicated to their cause, that it was impossible to imagine her conspiring with Kylo Ren behind their backs.

 

The Rey he knew would have never worked together with that monster.

 

All Finn had to do was prove that Jacen wasn’t the man’s son, and then his mind could finally be at ease.

 

And if Jacen was fathered by Kylo Ren..…

 

No, Finn didn’t want to think of that possibility.

 

There was no possibility.

 

But Finn still put down his work and went off to search for an answer.

 

He spent an hour rifling through Poe’s office in search of any hidden Han Solo memorabilia, then headed off towards the Falcon. Perhaps there was some hidden nook or cupboard where Solo had hidden his toothbrushes.

 

He was so lost in thought, that he almost crashed straight into R2D2.

 

"Hey, sorry, little buddy," Finn apologized, then stepped out of the way.

 

R2D2 let out a string of loud beeps, mostly incomprehensible, but clearly offensive, then sped off down the hall. Swaying from side to side as though the years hadn't been kind on his wheels.

 

Finn shrugged it off, until he realized that one of General Organa's possessions had just gone rolling straight past him.

 

"Hey Artoo! Wait up!" Finn called as he jogged after the droid who halted. "Artoo, I need a favor."

 

R2D2 let out a string of loud beeps, which Finn recognized as either _how can I help?_ or _go_ _get screwed._ Finn deeply regretted not learning more binary when he had the chance.

 

"I need to know if you have any DNA records for Han Solo," Finn asked.

 

R2D2 frantically beeped. Most of it incomprehensible to Finn, but the ex-stormtrooper managed to make out one sentence which either meant _sure thing_ or your mamma's _a ra_ _nc_ _or._

 

_What am I doing._ Finn thought to himself as he suddenly realized the stupidity of his situation. _I can’t believe that I’m actually trying to get Solo’s DNA from a messed up droid, just_ _to_ _prove to myself that my best friend didn’t sleep with Kylo Ren._

 

"On second thoughts, just forget about it," Finn waved the droid away. "It’s nothing."

 

Finn turned to leave, when something small went flying into the back of his head. "Ouch, what was that for-"

 

It was then that Finn turned to see a small data chip on the floor.

 

"Thanks buddy!" He laughed with relief.

 

A2D2 let out a merry reply, which meant _no problem_ or _slaughter the Ewoks._

 

**\---------**

 

Finn wasted no time returning straight to the same computer console. When the door opened with a _woosh,_ he was surprised to find Rose already bent over the terminal.

 

"Hey," she greeted. "Looks like I’m not the only one who couldn’t stay away."

 

“Rose…” Finn nervously swallowed. He then held the data chip out before him, as though it was the lost map to Skywalker. "Rose, this chip is the DNA information for Han Solo."

 

"Well, hotshot," smirked Rose and she pulled a similar data chip from her pocket. "I raise you one Han Solo for one Kylo Ren."

 

"Rose, where did you get that?" breathed Finn with awe.

 

"C3PO," she smiled. "It took a lot of convincing, and I have to give him an oil bath tomorrow, but he had records from when Kylo Ren was a kid. I’m surprised that he never mentioned it.” She paused. “It’s almost as though he was trying to protect that guy."

 

Finn scoffed. "Yeah, well, droids are pretty strange like that, aren’t they?"

 

Finn reached for the chip, but Rose pulled her hand back out of reach.

 

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" she asked. "Once we see the results, there isn’t any going back."

 

Finn momentarily thought of putting aside Jacen’s parentage, and convincing himself that it didn’t really matter, but it was too late to back down. He couldn’t relax until he was certain that his worst fears weren’t real. "Let’s just do it, Rose. I need to put my mind at ease.”

 

“Okay.” She nodded and plugged the chip into the terminal. Her fingers nervously hovered above the keys. "Are you ready?"

 

"Ready," Finn nodded.

 

Rose’s fingers flew across the keyboard as she input the data. The ex-stormtrooper tried to suppress his own anxiety as the computer crunched the numbers.

 

_No, there’s no way._ He tried to reassure himself. _It's gonna be negative. It’s gonna be negative, and then I’ll feel like an idiot for ever doubting my friend, because there’s no way that she had anything to do with that monster._

 

_Fifty percent match,_ were the words that appeared before him.

 

Finn found himself blankly staring at the screen. His mind refusing to accept those words.

 

_No…this can’t be happening…._

 

Rose was silent for a moment, until she regained control of her senses. "No, there’s no way." She shook her head. "Let me run it again. Then if that doesn’t work, I can get some new samples. There might be something wrong with this machine-”

 

She reached for the keyboard, but Finn brushed her hands away.

 

"No. It’s alright, Rose."

 

Rose looked like she wanted to fight back, but instead went quiet. Finn noticed her eyes watering as though she was about to cry.

 

"I can’t believe that guy would do something like this to Rey," her voice wavered. She banged her fist down on the control panel with frustration. "He’s scum," she angrily hissed. "A piece of rotten imperial scum. I hate him. I hate him so much."

 

“Yeah, he is," Finn muttered back.

 

"Do you think.......Do you think….... he’s like that with her now?"

 

"I don’t know Rose, but...." Finn thought of the abandoned beacon, and it was then that a part of him snapped. "Maybe that’s what she wants. Maybe she likes being with him."

 

"Finn," protested Rose. "How can you say that!"

 

"I don’t know, Rose, perhaps because she married him."

 

"Against her own will!"

 

"Says who? She looks perfectly fine on the holos."

 

"That’s only what they want you to believe!”

 

“Without any evidence saying the contrary."

 

“She’s our friend, Finn,” Rose angrily snapped back. “Rey fought with us against the First Order for years. There’s no way that she’d ever willingly sleep with a monster like that…. Perhaps she only lied.. Because… Because...she was scared and wanted to protect Jacen..”

 

“Rose...…”

 

Finn wanted to argue. To dredge up every piece of evidence he’d thought over for the past few hours, and present it before Rose to prove his point, but it was so much easier to agree with his wife, then think of Rey as a willing participant.

 

Or a First Order spy…..

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Finn sighed in defeat. “Of course you’re right.”

 

There was an awkward silence between them. Both quietly simmering in their own anger and disbelief.

 

“So what do we do now?" Rose wiped the tears from her eyes. "Do we tell Poe-”

 

“No," said Finn straight away. "It’s like you said before. We don’t tell anyone. Not here, not ever. This stays between us. And only us.”

 

Rose hesitantly nodded, as though she understood. Slipping the data chip out of the console and into her top pocket.

 

Finn’s hands clenched into fists as he tried his best to control his own emotions.

 

_Rey, what were you thinking_?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter. I wanted to capture how much Finn and Rose honestly believed in Rey. In this story Rey’s been with the Resistance a lot longer, and Finn and Rose have very little interaction with Kylo, so I think they’d really see the idea of them being together as unthinkable. 
> 
> [Check out my original fiction for free here while waiting for the next update. ](http://www.mcqueenwrites.com/p/works.html)


	4. Aftermath of a Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update. I refuse to post anything until I'm happy with it and this chapter had some difficult scenes for me.

 

 

From the moment they discovered Jacen’s true parentage, the ex-stormtrooper tried his best to be _cool uncle Finn_ _,_ but it was suddenly a struggle.

 

Now that he’d seen it, he couldn’t unsee it. The mannerisms. The hair. The child had suddenly transformed from _Jacen the crazy bald kid,_ to _mini Kylo Ren_ within his mind, and Finn wasn’t sure how to cope. There were no classes on what to do if your friend’s kid turned out to be a crazy dictator’s illegitimate child, and was at risk of falling to the darkside.

 

Finn tried not to look at Jacen too much, as the kid helped him repair old blasters in the workroom.

 

“Don’t you have friends your own age that you’d rather hang out with," Finn tried to say as cheerfully as he could.

 

_Yep, that’s the way to go Finn,_ he thought to himself. _Just pass him off to someone else until you learn to deal with your issues._

 

“Their all gone now, I checked,” Jacen said. “They were adopted out while I was gone.”

 

“Oh, that’s too bad.”

 

“Why? They’re probably a lot happier now.”

 

Finn wanted to kick himself. “I mean…. It’s just a shame that you couldn’t meet.”

 

“It’s okay. It’s been five years. They’ve probably forgotten me already.”

 

The kid sighed and dejectedly put the blaster down on the table. Leaning his elbows on the table, wearily resting his head on his hands, then clicking the remaining blaster parts into place using the force.

 

Finn watched as several screws moved into place like magic. The kid’s eyes bright with fascination.

 

The ex-stormtrooper felt unease at the way the boy could manipulate his powers. Finally understanding why Ahsoka had been so afraid. If Jacen was descended from both Darth Vader and Kylo Ren, then there had to be a large potential for darkness inside the kid as well.

 

Finn wondered if Kylo Ren had also started this way. A lonely young boy who felt abandoned and cheated by everyone who left him.

 

Was Ahsoka right? Could such feelings really lead to darkness capable of consuming the galaxy?

 

Could love and attention actually help Jacen? Or was he already too far gone.

 

“How was the Jedi training?” asked Finn. Deciding that the more they talked, the less negative thoughts could invade his mind. “Did you float rocks?”

 

“A little,” Jacen sighed. “It was just mostly meditation and what Ahsoka called _communicating_ _with_ _nature_. Trying to find inner peace or something.  She wouldn’t let me try anything too interesting, and we actually spent most of the time arguing. She had too many rules. It was such a pain.”

 

“Ah.”

 

“How am I ever supposed to fight the Empire if she won’t teach me anything that I can actually use,” he groaned.

 

“Well.. that’s teachers for you,” Finn chuckled back. “You wouldn’t have liked stormtrooper academy. Back there it was all rules. They dictated what time you got up, when you ate, when you slept, how you walked, what you wore-”

 

Jacen blanched.

 

“Most guardians are like that," said Finn. "Your mom was just super relaxed.”

 

Finn remembered how Rey laughed off any attempts to enforce bathing and manners, but obsessively kept the kid's hair short. Like she purposely tried to hide any hints of Kylo Ren within her son.

 

_What else had she been trying to hide?_

 

“Do you ever hear from her........ my mother?” asked Jacen.

 

“No.” Finn shook his head. “Nothing…….. Not since she left.”

 

“Oh,” said Jacen sadly and he looked away. “I see.”

 

Then all of a sudden, to Finn, Jacen wasn’t the son of an evil dictator. Just another lonely boy who wanted his mother.

 

"Hey, Jacen," Finn said gently as he rested one hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I’ve known your mother for years, and I’m certain that she would send a message if she could.”

 

“Then why hasn’t she?” Jacen asked, but Finn didn’t know how to answer.

 

“I’m sure she has reasons.”

 

“Like the emperor,” Jacen spat. “He’s keeping her away.”

 

“Jacen we don’t know that-”

 

“Why haven’t we done anything! It’s been five years! Why hasn’t the Resistance made any move to get her back!”

 

“It’s a little more complicated than that, little buddy. If we went in there with our guns blazing now, then it would shatter any peace treaties and the Empire would be down on our arses in an instant.”

 

“Then we could fight them!”

 

“Then they’d out number us, and we’d loose.”

 

Jacen chewed the side of his mouth, and Finn could see that the kid was trying hard to formulate his own plan.

 

“Then what if you just take down Kylo Ren?” said Jacen. “If he dies then the whole empire would crumble. Then my mother can go free, right?”

 

“It’s not-"

 

“I’d do it! If I become a Jedi, then one day I can beat him, right?”

 

The kid’s face was scrunched up with anger and pain, and it was in that moment that Jacen most looked like the Emperor.

 

_Traitor! cried Kylo Ren in the snow._

 

A day earlier, Finn would have enthusiastically encouraged any murderous thoughts towards the guy who stole his best friend, but it felt mortifying to encourage Jacen to kill his own father. He already watched Kylo murder Han, and that was terrible enough.

 

“Look Jacen.” Finn looked straight into the kid's eyes. “Even if you murder Kylo Ren, someone else will just take his place. It won’t solve the problem….and murder….really is a terrible thing…….”

 

“But the Resistance hasn’t done-"

 

Finn cut him off. “This is just the plan for now. We’ve got to bide our time if we want to win in the end."

 

Jacen opened his mouth to argue. Obviously displeased.

 

“ _Please_ ," Finn begged.

 

“Yeah," Jacen nodded. “You’re right, Uncle Finn," he said, but Finn wasn’t sure if the kid’s heart was really in those words. Finn himself had spent years despising the First Order, and he knew that such deep grudges weren’t easily solved.

 

_Small steps_ , Finn reminded himself.

 

“Hey, why don’t you go talk to Poe." Finn smiled. "He should be back soon. He hasn’t shut up about you since you left. Just imagine his face if you were there waiting for him in the hanger when he lands.”

 

At the sound of Poe’s name, Jacen’s face lit up. A small hint of happiness at the idea of being reunited with one of his old heros.

 

Finn praised himself on his ability to distract the kid, but couldn't help but hope that someone like Poe, (who had no hint of the truth) could succeed where Finn no longer could.

 

 

**\- - - - - - - -**

 

 

Jacen heard General Dameron before he saw him. Deep in argument with someone else across an empty hanger.

 

"You’re gonna get us all killed!” Poe's voice echoed throughout the room.

 

Intrigued as to what could get Poe so worked up, Jacen weaved his way around dismantled speeders and broken down walkers. He then lingered behind a rusty X-wing to watch him.

 

Poe was talking to a large man wearing an old Resistance flight suit. The other guy appeared to be in his fifties or sixties. Brown hair and beard streaked through with grey.

 

Jacen could remember the guy speaking with his mother across crowded meeting rooms. Occasionally stopping to tell children his crazy war stories.

 

The guy's name was something starting with _S._ Either Snake.......Slap.....Snap……......

 

_Snap, that was it._

 

Snap angrily ripped off his flight helmet and threw it at the ground with so much force that Jacen thought it would shatter.

 

"There are people who believed in us Dameron!” Snap angrily yelled back. “And now we’re just gonna turn our backs on them?"

 

“We have a plan-"

 

"Screw the plan!"

 

“We can’t attack the Empire now!”

 

“If not now, then when?”

 

"Rebellions take time. We’ll know when we’re ready."

 

“Bullshit Dameron, that’s what you’ve been saying for years. Everyone knows that you’ve got no intention of doing anything! What was it you’ve been working on, _an independent republic in the outer rim_? Are you planning on hiding out here forever while our allies starve and suffer.”

 

“It’s not like that-”

 

"You’re a traitor to the rebellion, Dameron! Leia would be ashamed!"

 

Poe gritted his teeth, and Jacen thought his idol would explode. “Fine!” Poe shouted. “Do it your way if it’s so much better! Go back to your group of terrorists and get yourselves blown to pieces, but don’t you dare associate yourselves with the Resistance.”

 

And with that Poe spun on his heels and stormed away. He walked straight past Jacen, eyes glancing to the kid’s face, but Poe didn’t stop to acknowledge him. As though Jacen was just another unrecognizable child on the base.

 

**\- - - - - - - -**

 

Snap expected understanding and support from Dameron, but all he received was condemnation. As though the once mighty Resistance leader had turned his back on the cause.

 

But Snap was different. He refused to roll over and let the Empire mistreat those who he swore to protect.

 

His parents didn't die so that the First Order could rule the galaxy.

 

He hadn't given so much of himself to the cause, just to allow the Empire to rise again.

 

Snap firmly kicked his X-wing with frustration. Pain reverberated through his foot. He swore and clumsily hopped around in a circle, only to find a kid with black hair standing before him.

 

“Hey kid,” Snap wheezed and his mouth curved into a fake smile. Trying his best to control his own anger and frustration towards Dameron. “Whatcha doing out here on your own?”

 

“Is it true?" The kid asked. "Are you really gonna fight the Empire?”

 

"Yeah." Snap nodded and casually leaned back against his ship. “I'll be fighting those imperial bastards as long as there's breath left in my body.”

 

Snap expected some childish display of awe (as he received from most of his miniature fans) but instead the kid confidently said “I want to join you.”

 

Snap laughed. Impressed at the boy's determination, but such words seemed ludicrous coming from the mouth of a child. “That’s nice and all kid, but this is a rebellion, not a summer camp.”

 

“But I want to fight the Empire!”

 

“Which you’re more than welcome to do in a few years. And once you're several inches taller.”

 

“But I can help you!” The kid hesitantly bit his lip. Unsure of himself. "I can use the force!”

 

_The force…._

 

Snap was about to disregard those words as a joke, until he took in the hazel eyes and facial structure that he recognized from a small boy years earlier. Snap's eyes opened in awe as he finally realized just who was standing before him.

 

“You’re that kid," Snap breathed with surprise. "The son of the last Jedi.”

 

Jacen nodded.

 

Snap nervously gulped.

 

It didn’t seem right to allow someone so young to join a rebellion.

 

_But the force_......

 

They stood no chance against Kylo Ren without a force user.

 

Such potential was something that could help them turn the tides against the Empire.

 

Even if the one using it was still only a child.

 

“Well, I don’t normally let kids onboard.” Snap smiled while trying his best to justify his own decision. The man wasn't much older than Jacen when he fought the Empire. “But I’ll make an exception just for you.”

 

Jacen's face lit up into a giant grin. “Do you really mean it?” He excitedly asked.

 

“Of course.” Snap grinned back. “If you’re up to the challenge.”

 

Jacen nodded. "I'll do anything if it means taking down Kylo Ren.”

 

“Nice answer, kid.” Snap beckoned for Jacen to follow after him. “Welcome to the real Resistance.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out my original fiction for free here while waiting for the next update. ](http://www.mcqueenwrites.com/p/works.html)


	5. Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. This chapter took a while to write, so I was just throwing stuff at a word document for weeks until it went in the direction that I wanted. I hope that you enjoy it!

**__ **

_** Three months later ** _

****

****

****

That evening Jacen allowed the gentle hum of Snap's ship to lure him to sleep. His skin brush ed against the bunk’s wor n and scratchy sheets as the day’s exhaustion overcame him. 

But his dreams took him somewhere else.

Jacen was standing in a large room. The walls dark and bare. Smooth black tiles under his feet. Illuminated only by the world outside a large window that extended from floor to ceiling.

Jacen hesitantly reached forward to brush the thick glass. Just to see if it was real.

Past his own reflection he saw an unfamiliar bustling city. Full of spark l ing skyscrapers which consumed every inch of available space. Speeders zoom ed haphazardly close by . Their sound blocked out by the glass.

_ Corasant, or perhaps even Corellia. A world he’d only experienced  through pictures. _

__

__

“You came,” said a gentle voice from behind him.

Jacen spun. Searching the darkness behind him until he caught sight of a woman sitting in a simple chair in the center of the room. Half emerged in shadows. Long brown hair cascading over petite shoulders.

He didn't need to see her face to know who i t was.

“ _Mom_?” Jacen said hesitantly. Almost denying that it was real. Then his deepest desires over powered any form of common sense and he rushed towards her. Years of longing bubbling up inside him. Ready to spring forth-

Until he caught sight of what lay in her arms.

“Mom,” Jacen  said . Suddenly gripped by confusion and fear. “Who’s that?”

Rey fondly look ed down at the small infant in her arms as it peacefully snoozed. “Your sister,” she said calmly , as though it was the most natural thing in the world. 

“Is……Is it...” Jacen stuttered with urgency. Clenching his own fists. Anger burning under the surface. Ready to hunt down the arsehole who would dare touch his precious mother.

If Rey could sence his frustration, she didn’t let it show.

“She reminds me of you, Jacen,” Rey said.

“Did that guy-”

“You looked just like this when you were small.”

Those words deeply uneased him.

He suddenly felt the overwhelming need to leave. With  h is mother and whoever else she wanted. They could all escape together and leave the Empire far behind them.

“Mom,” Jacen said. Moving himself to stand right before her, then lowering himself to her eye level. “It's dangerous for you here. We should-”

“ _ Jacen _ ,” said Rey as she looked up at him. Her eyes spark l ing in the darkness as tears ran down her face. She held out one trembling hand and reached up to gently cup his  cheek . “ _ You’ve become so big. _ ”

“Yeah,” said Jacen shortly. “I’ve been getting that a lot recently. Mom we-”

“ _And_ _y ou look so much like your father._” 

Suddenly all words died in Jacen’s throat.

_ His father….. _

__

__

“Your face, this hair,” Rey continued while examining her son. Gently running her fingers through his black curls. Oblivious to his shock. “You look so much like him now.”

“ _ What do you mean? _ ” Whispered Jacen. His words lacking the confidence that he intended to put behind them.

Rey bit her lip. As though on the cusp of sa y ing something, but  couldn't do it.

“Come,” his mother gently took his hand and stood to her feet. “I 'll show you.”

In a state of bewilderment, Jacen passively allowed her to lead him through large dark corridors with high ceilings, and so many doors that he wasn’t in the right state to remember them all.

She eventually dragged him into a dim room with a long table in the center. Several shiny droids were serving what looked like a meal before them. Most of the dishes too elegant for him to recognise.

Jacen caught sight of another small figure shrouded in shadows. Too immersed in their own world to pay Jacen any attention.

Rey pulled out a chair and gestured for Jacen to sit down, then took her own place at the end of the table. Continuing to gently cradle his sister in her arms.

They all remained silent. Shiny cutlery untouched. As though waiting for something to happen . Rey completely unlike her regular self.

Jacen decided to break the awkward silence. “Mom?”

“ _ Shhhh, _ ” she hushed. Hugging his small sister tightly to her chest. “He’s coming.”

“Whose coming?”

“You’ll see,” Rey said gently.

Jacen followed her gaze to a white door at the end of the room.

It was then that his body was overcome by a cold chill which froze him to the bone. 

He could sense something behind the door, a chilling presence. Coming closer and closer towards them with no intention of stopping.

\--------

_ Woooooop Wooooop Wooooop Woooop,  _ rang the morning wake up call which sounded too much like  a proximity alert. Causing Jacen to spring to consciousness and slam his head straight into the rusty bunk above him.

The boy moaned in pain and flopped back on to the sheets. Letting out several profanities that would have earned his mother's ire .

But she wasn’t there to scold him, was she?

_ A dream………… _

__

For the first time in years, he felt his mother there. Just beyond the reach of his fingertips, welcoming him with open arms, but yet again reality savagely rip ped her away .

At least the pain in his head was a decent reminder that the world before him was real.

There was a knock from outside, then the rusty door to his narrow room swung open with a bang.

“Rise and shine, kid d o,” sang  Jacen's new de facto guardian, Snap Wexley , as he confidently strolled in. Radiating energy and enthusiasm that only a morning person could understand. “I’ve got an exciting schedule lined up for you today. Breakfast, followed by an exhilarating session of combat training, stealth tactics, then a thrilling fun filled afternoon of blaster cleaning.”

On most days , Jacen would have moaned and begged the man to give him another half an hour, but he was itching to get away from his bed and the mortification left over from  that dream.

“Roger, Sir” said Jacen  as he pulled himself out of bed. Sifting through clothing lying around the floor in search of something to wear.

“A message came in this morning for you, too.” Snap passed Jacen a data pad.

A quick scan of the screen was enough to tell that it was another message from Rose. Practically begging Jacen to come back in the kindest words possible.

“That’s a lot kinder than the ones she sends me,” said Snap. “Never knew that Tico knew so many different ways of telling someone  _ to go screw themselves _ .” Snap awkwardly coughed and shifted his weight. “You know, it's never too late to go back, kid.”

Jacen was almost ashamed of himself for taking a moment to consider the possibility. Snap had offered to take him back several times before. Perhaps lingering guilt over having taken him away, but Jacen continuously refused.

The boy did feel bad for leaving, especially towards Finn and Rose who'd never wronged him, but he'd already wasted countless hours wishing for his mother or Ahsoka to return, but they never came. 

Now it was his turn to do the leaving.

__

__

“No,” Jacen said strongly, shaking his head. “I’m not going back without my mother.”

Snap weakly smiled back and ruffled his hair. “Now that’s the rebel spirit, kid . ”

\-----------

Snap called his new group of rebels  _ Black Phoenix. Black _ after Snap’s old squadron, and  _ Phoenix  _ because they ' d be the ones to rise from the ashes and bring peace to the galaxy.

Their members mostly included young people who’d grown tired of the Resistance’s absence, or wanted to exact their own vengeance on the First Order. There were no shortage of angry people who wanted revenge on the Empire for kidnapping their children or ruining their homeworlds. 

Jacen had eavesdropped on enough meetings to know that they were still limited to smaller missions. Such as taking out transport stations  or interrupting communications. Often subtling aiding rebellions and sending supplies to downtrodden worlds.

They mostly traveled separately to keep themselves  under the radar, but Snap’s freighter contained most of their key members.

As much as Jacen wanted to be out there on the front lines, his days were spent doing what Snap called _rebel training._ It was mostly weapons practice and studying strategies which helped the Rebellion in old battles against the Empire.

Snap also attempted to push Ja c en's force abilities. They'd practice disarming weapons and deflecting blaster bolts back using the force. Pretty much all the exciting things that Ahsoka never let him do.

Snap may not have been a jedi master, but he'd worked alongside  Rey long enough to have seen most of her best force moves. Together  Jacen could somehow piece them together using Snap 's descriptions.

“Morning general,” one rebel nodded as  he walked past Snap and Jacen . The young man's thick boots echo ed against the metal floor. “Little Jedi,” he added with a friendly smile.

Jacen subtly nodded back. His mind still occupied by what he saw in his sleep.

Many of the  dream's details had begun to fade, and Jacen was unsure if it had been a force vision, or just his own insecurities messing with him.

He couldn’t deny that he’d often considered the possibility that his mother had started a new family with the emperor.

Did she even need him anymore? Or  was she too consumed with her new family to even think of him?

** \------ **

****

****

“Morning boys,” smiled Jessica as they approached. Small bowls full of vegetables and portions  were  laid out before her on a rickety table.

Snap kissed his wife's forehead  then sat down beside her. Jacen took a seat opposite them, next to their six year old son Luke.  N amed after the famous Jedi and Rebellion hero.

“Jacen,” said small Luke with a bright grin. His dark hair and eyes showed little resemblance to the man he was named after. “They have meat today, like in actual meat. Not that fake stuff that dad always makes us eat.”

" Hey, nothing wrong with portions, kid,” laughed Snap. “You could live off those for the rest of your life.”

Luke screwed his small face up in disgust. As though such an idea was unthinkable.

Laughter echoed from across the  mess , and Jacen glanced over to see tables full of young men and women chatting together. Too many names and faces for him to possibly remember. 

They looked at Jacen with either confusion or awe. Often co rner ing him with questions about his mother or the force.

_ Hey, hey,  _ they'd crowd around him.  _ Was your mom really the jedi from all the holo vids? Can she really move stuff with her mind? _

__

__

To some of them he was a new chosen one. A boy with abilit ies to rival the emperor and save them all.

But to a small few he was a freak. A child with  dark powers that could one day ruin everything.

Jacen chose to brush off their gazes , and tried to concentrate on young Luke as  the kid rattled off all the new pod racers he'd seen on T. V.

“And then there was one guy, Bob H...H..Holyfast,” said Luke as he mispronounced another racer’s name. “I was sure he was gonna win , until  one guy blew him out of the sky. There was this giant fireball, and parts flying everywhere , and the announcer said that you could even see his gu- ”

Snap laughed uneasily. “How about we take you to see some less violent racing next time, little man,” he said affectionately while ruffling the boy's hair.

Normally such interactions didn't bother Jacen, but after dreaming of his mother, then waking up to nothing, Snap and Jessica’s warmth towards their son was suddenly painful to watch.

Jacen’s fingers tightly wrapped around  his cutlery.  Suppressing the urge to get up and walk away.

It wasn't the first time that he'd felt such stabbing feelings of loneliness and disappointment .

He'd daydreamed about it for years. Parents who'd lavish him in love and attention like the ones before him. Ahsoka tried her best to be a grandmother like figure, and Finn was the closest thing he had to a father, but it was something that neither one of them could replace. As much as they tried.

Unlike Snap's son who knew nothing else, Jacen couldn't even eat a simple meal with both his parents. His mother was trapped within the Empire.

_ And his father…. _

__

__

“Hey Snap,” said Jacen hesitantly while sniffing a portion to see if it was edible. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what's up kid?” Snap said with a mouth full of food.

“Would you happen to know anything about . ” Jacen felt stupid for asking. “My father.”

“Your father,” Snap said thoughtfully. Racking his brain. “I hate to disappoint you, kid, but I never met the guy. I returned from a mission one day and  there you were . Now that was one Hell of a shock.”

“Rey once told me that she met your father while out on a mission,” said Jessica while shoving a spoonful of green vegetables onto her son's plate. “They separated soon afterwards , before  your mother  e ve n knew she was pregnant. I guess she didn’t have any way of contacting him, because there's no way that anyone could have resisted a kid as cute as you were,” she said with the same baby like voice she used when talking to Luke.

“Oh,” said Jacen, not bothering to hide his disappointment. He should have know n that his father was just another person to add to the long list of people who left him.

“Hey,” said Snap. Sensing Jacen's frustration. “I know what it's like to have your parents leave you for a higher cause. "

Jacen scoffed.

“And I'm sure that whoever your father was, he must have had his own reasons.”

“ _ Whatever _ ,” Jacen muttered.

“And I know Rey,” said Jessica. “I’m sure that no matter where she is, in her own way, your mom is trying her hardest to create a better world for you.”

_ That's what they all say _ , Jacen almost snapped back, but instead the boy nodded. 

His situation was only temporary after all. He'd stay with Snap, learn everything he could, become a jedi, defeat the Empire, and then  he could have his mother back .

Just like he always wanted.

Jacen was in the mi d st of choking down his own longing, when his body was overcome with a cold chill. Much like the one he felt behind the white door  of his dream.

It was followed by a prickling at the back of his neck as though someone was watching.

But when Jacen looked behind him.

There was nothing there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: I don’t actually think Snap and Jess would ever be a couple, but I decided to randomly ship them together.
> 
> [Check out my original fiction for free here while waiting for the next update. ](http://www.mcqueenwrites.com/p/works.html)


	6. Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Sorry for the slow update. I hit a massive writer's block, so I decided not to post anything until I could somehow resolve it. If it weren't for your comments, I would have given up and just spent all my time playing Kingdom Hearts.
> 
> If you like my style I recently unloaded my original story "How I was Murdered by a Fox Monster" to my website. You can read if for free at my website here [http://www.mcqueenwrites.com/2016/06/how-i-was-murdered-by-fox-monster.html ](http://www.mcqueenwrites.com/2016/06/how-i-was-murdered-by-fox-monster.html)

 

* * *

It was another two months before Jacen saw any hint of action. Until then, the boy had no choice but to wait.

His young hands tightly gripped the hanger railing as he watched beaten up freighters go back and forth. It was painful to watch other teenagers, barely a few years older than himself, go out on missions. Then come back laughing together as they bragged about their amazing feats.

"You should have seen them, Jacen," laughed Five, a tall sixteen year old human who'd warmed up to Jacen over the previous weeks. His face proudly displayed several scars that he'd already gained in battle. "Those Imps had no idea what was comin' for them."

"He's all talk," groaned Jacinta, Five's girlfriend. She rolled her emerald eyes while twirling her long purple hair around one finger. "He was clinging to me the whole time until we reached hyperspace. Moaning on about how we were all gonna die."

"Hey, those were very manly moans," Five protested and affectionately ruffled his girlfriend's hair. Causing her to huff with frustration.

Others weren't as lucky as Five or Jacinta. Never to return. There were small funerals among the crew to commemorate the dead, but most of the bodies were unrecoverable.

Jacen often wondered if he could have saved them.

Surely he could have deflected the shots which killed his fellow rebels, or redirected a torpedo with the force.

Instead he'd been cast to the sidelines like a rare collectible. Always on show, but never put to use.

Their leader should have understood just how useful he could be, but the elderly man was adamant that there would be no heroics from Jacen until Snap was certain that the kid had the skills to survive.

Whatever that meant.

 

* * *

 

Jacen thought that perhaps the time had finally come when Snap called him into his office after one tense meeting. The old man sat behind a rusty desk in a room so cramped that it must have been a storage closet.

"I think you're ready for your first mission!" said Snap as soon as Jacen sat down on the rusty stool.

_Finally!_ Was what Jacen almost screamed out before he quickly reined in his emotions.

"Is that so, sir," the boy said calmly like a real adult. As though being called in for secret missions was an every day event for him. He was afraid that showing too much enthusiasm could lead to having his chance ripped away.

"The Empire has been running a mining colony out of Javin for years," Snap continued. "The people there have been begging for help ever since I was in the Resistance. There isn't too much we've been able to do with our current numbers. But we've managed to smuggle in small drops of food and weapons secretly in the hope that the people could one day fight back."

Jacen nodded to show that he was still following along.

"In recent years, the mine has become one of the Empire's main resources. If we were to put a dent in the mine, even temporarily, it would slow down their production of weapons."

"Got it!" Jacen nodded. "Destroy the mine and the Empire can't build dangerous stuff, right?"

"Exactly!" Snap nodded. "And that's why we need you."

Jacen could feel his heart rapidly pounding in his chest. It was finally the moment that he'd long been waiting for. The moment where all his painstaking rebel training would finally come into fruition.

"I need you to accompany me to Javin."

"Ah huh."

"Help unpack and prepare the explosives."

"Got it!"

"Then if an inspection team tries to search our craft, you'll mind trick them with the force."

"Okay," Jacen merrily replied. Images of heroism flashing through his head.

"And then you'll go back to the craft and wait for us until it's all over."

Jacen sat there silently. Running Snap's last sentence over and over again in his head, just to make sure that he'd heard the man correctly.

_Go back to the craft and wait until it's all over._

_He… had.. To be joking..._

"What!" protested Jacen.

"I know that it might all seem a little scary," said Snap calmly. "But I promise that I'll try my best to keep you out of danger."

"No, it's not that…." Jacen stumbled for words. "I just thought that I'd also be fighting with you."

Snap appeared stunned for a moment. As though the idea of Jacen accompanying him to shoot down imperials that week had never occured to the man.

"Well…." Snap said nervously. "Don't you think that it's still a little early for that."

"What do you mean?" Jacen angrily asked.

"I mean you're still very shor…...I mean young. You'll have your moment, when you're a little older. In a year, or two, or possibly three."

Jacen slammed his hands down on Snap's steel desk. Annoyed that they were even having this conversation. "I can do ten times more than most of the other recruits, and you know it! What's the point of training me to be a rebel if I'm not allowed to do rebel things?"

"There'll be plenty of time for that later."

"Aren't you always talking about all the stuff that you got up to when you were my age? How would you have liked it if someone had told you to stay back and wait?"

Snap was stunned for a moment. Never expecting that all the tales of his childhood adventures would one day be thrown back in his face.

"I can use the force," said Jacen with his best pleading voice. "I can help you."

Snap crossed his arms and sighed.

_"Please,"_ Jacen sadly begged as a last resort.

 

* * *

 

After another hour of pleading, Snap still refused to relent.

Although Jacen was tempted to lock himself in his room and refuse to come out until someone handed him a blaster, he was smart enough to know that such behaviour wouldn't reward him with any missions, so he begrudgingly showed up in the hanger the next day.

They departed in a shiny Imperial freighter that Snap's team had somehow acquired from the Empire. They'd even managed to fix most of the blaster holes.

"Don't worry little buddy," said Five over a handful of sabac cards in the ship's hull. "You'll get your moment one day."

"Don't delude him," said Li, Five's closest friend. Li was barely taller than Jacen after years of malnutrition on an oppressed world. Short blonde hair hung around his pale gaunt face and he barely looked older than thirteen.

Conversations from the surrounding rebels wafted through the air. Jacen groaned and turned his attention back to his own cards. Just like his life, he'd been dealt a crappy hand.

"Don't worry superstar," said Five. "You'll get your moment one day. Holo vids, people whispering your name throughout the galaxy. Soon they'll be calling you a _beacon of hope_. Just like that famous mom of yours."

"I'm not interested in fame," Jacen mumbled.

"Then what do you want?"

"To kill the emperor," Jacen said as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

Five whistled in disbelief. "Well, that wouldn't make you notorious at all."

Jacen groaned and slammed his cards down on the steel floor. "I'm wasting my time," he moaned. "I should be out there on the front lines."

"Don't worry," laughed Five. "I'm sure you'll be out there soon enough. Black Phoenix just doesn't want its star being shot down in his first battle."

"That's not gonna happen," Jacen retorted.

"That's what all the other dead newbies said," muttered Li.

Jacen crossed his arms and huffed. For the first time in months, he began to wonder if he should just take Snap up on his offer and go back to the Resistance. But the idea of going back there left an unpleasant feeling in his stomach.

The strange thing was that he wasn't even worried about Finn or Rose being angry. He was certain that they'd welcome him back with open arms. Relieved that he'd given up on dreams of grandeur.

But he couldn't bare the awkwardness which consumed their relationship in the days leaving up to his departure.

_Everything had been fine one day, and then the next…._

_It was like they couldn't bare to look at him._

_But why..._

Jacen tried his best to shake off such negative thoughts before he dug himself into a familiar pit of despair.

The mission… it was time to focus on the mission. If he could prove to Snap that he was an asset more than capable of completing missions, then perhaps his time would come.

 

* * *

 

The ship shuddered when they finally made landfall on the planet.

"Ready kid?" Snap asked with a grin as he emerged from the cockpit.

Jacen was tempted to snap back something smart which showed his displeasure, but he at least knew that acting like a kid was the worst way to show Snap that he wasn't one.

"Ready, sir," he said with a dramatic salute, but failed to hide his lack of enthusiasm.

He could do it. As minimal and disappointing as his task was, he could show Snap that he was worth it.

The hanger door opened with a hiss and they emerged into a grim world. Barren fields as far as they could see. Light rain falling from a grey sky.

Their boots sank into thick mud from the moment they emerged from the ship.

Snap tried his best to appear cool and composed, but Jacen had known the older man long enough to see anxiety bubbling beneath the surface.

_What if the contact fell through? What if the Empire was waiting for them?_ Were a few of the loud thoughts that Jacen picked up from his mind.

_It should be me out there too,_ the boy bitterly thought to himself, but of course Snap couldn't read minds.

Jacen soon occupied himself by helping to unload the explosives. Carefully passing them to the other members who loaded them onto speeders. He was in the middle of passing Five a particularly sinister looking canister, when Jacen became enveloped in the familiar cold chill which had haunted him over the previous weeks.

The boy shot around. Expecting to see someone, or at least something behind him, but yet again there was nothing there.

"Something up, little bro?" asked Five as he virtually pried the canister out of Jacen's shaking fingers.

Jacen paused for a moment. Trying to think of the best way to put his strange feelings into words. "Five, do you ever get the feeling that someone's watching you?"

"All the time," said the older boy. "But it's usually Jacinta. That creepy little minx. She can't bare to let me out of her sight, even for a moment."

It was then that the girl in question walked past and elbowed Five in the ribs.

"Ouch!" Five dramatically cried as though he'd been shot in the stomach.

Jacen scanned the distance in search of anything out of place. Anything connected to the force. But whenever he searched for the cold thread, it just retreated as though it didn't want to be found.

 

* * *

 

It was hard to watch them go.

Over a hundred men and teenagers sped off into the distance with blasters slung over their shoulders. Just like real rebels should.

If Jacen was with them, then he was certain that he could keep them safe.

But without him…

The boy was unsure if he would ever see them again.

Jacen returned to the ship and redirected his anxiety into building a tower out of the discarded dejac cards in the cockpit. Ready at a moment's notice to mind trick any imperial who was unfortunate to wander their way.

Jacinta leaned back in the pilot's chair. Nervously tapping her fingers on the console, like she also shared his fears. Her eyes fixed to the window. Alert for any signs of danger.

"Hard isn't it?" she said to break the silence.

"Huh?" Jacen was puzzled as to how she could see his miserable dejac card tower, without taking her eyes away from the console.

"Waiting….." She added. "For them to come back."

"Yeah," Jacen bitterly muttered. He'd involuntarily become an expert in waiting for people over the years.

It was then that a small vibration rocked the ship. As though the fighting had already begun in the distance.

"You know," said Jacinta nervously. "It takes a lot of concentration to look at these cameras. I probably wouldn't notice if a  _certain_ newbie snuck out to join the fight."

Jacen was about to dismiss her words as another pathetic attempt to make him feel better, until the truth of what she was saying sank in. "Seriously?"

"Oh no, look at this one," she said while tapping a sensor which clearly wasn't broken. "Perhaps it's on the fritz. It's gonna take me forever to fix it. If I was a want to be rebel, I'd use this opportunity to make a run for it."

Jacen instantly threw down his cards and rushed out of the cockpit. "Thanks Jacinta!"

"The blasters are in the crate by the door!" she called out after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my original works here while waiting for the next update. <http://www.mcqueenwrites.com/p/works.html>

**Author's Note:**

> I’m currently working on a free story called "Memories of a Soul in the Underworld" which I posted to my blog at www.mcqueenwrites.com you can read it there online for free.


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